Lesson 3
Even though we told you a couple of minutes ago that you were
99% of the way towards healing the jealousy in your life if you
would just take full responsibility and commit to doing whatever
it took to healing it-- there's another important factor that
many well-intentioned people miss and here's what it is...
Some people think that setting goals, having intentions and
making the commitment to overcome jealousy is going to put an
end to the madness that jealousy causes but are surprised,
confused and frustrated when it doesn't. After all-- if you took
responsibility and made the commitment, isn't that enough?
The sad truth is that it isn't.
You need something more and what you need are the skills and
tools that show you how to do it.
Imagine a carpenter who got up early and started his day very
eager to get to work and build a new house that he was working
on and when he got to the job site, he realized that he didn't
have the right tools for the job.
In this situation, no matter how positive and excited he is
about building a great house, he simply isn't going to make any
progress until he gets the right tools that he needs to start
construction.
It's the same way in relationships. In order to stop jealousy
cold in its tracks and keep it from raising its ugly head again,
you can be as positive as much as you want, say affirmations
till you're blue in the face and have the best of intentions but
until you have the right tools, you'll never heal this issue and
take back control of your life.
So, if another thing you need to heal jealousy is the
right tools, then what are the "right" tools and how do you get
them?
One of those tools is to learn to recognize when your jealous
thoughts come up and what to do to stop them when they do.
These thoughts usually take the form of what we call negative
"stories" that keep your jealousy going about your situation.
Here's a question we have our coaching clients ask themselves to help them stop the harmful "stories" and determine whether they're real or
not --"Is this a
fact or is this a story that I've made up about what this
situation means?"
An example of when you might ask this question is--Your partner is good friends with a
beautiful person of the opposite sex at work and you find that you are
very jealous. Your partner has never given you any reason
to mistrust them but you can't help worrying when you know they
will be working on the same project together and it's driving
your crazy.
When you start making up "stories" that have your partner
leaving you for this other person, you can ask yourself the
question that we gave you in the previous paragraph. Your answer
to this question should help you to separate what's truly going
on right now in this present moment from fears that are based
solely on your past experiences.
When you are able to separate the
"facts" from the stories that you make up
and stop your jealous thoughts, you will be on
your way to healing your life.
What about when intense or
unexpected feelings of jealousy come up all of a sudden--what do
you do then?
A powerful tool for handling emergency situations like this when
jealous feelings come up unexpectedly is learning to "breathe" into your jealous feelings
and here's what we mean...
In "emergency" or intense situations, what we recommend to our
coaching clients (and to you) is that you consciously breathe
deeply and simply allow those feelings to be there without
acting on them.
This sounds counter-intuitive but it does really work!
You might think that if you focused on the feelings that they
will intensify, but if you are "breathing into" those
feelings, the exact opposite happens.
Most of our coaching clients tell us that when they use this
technique, they are able to think clearer and separate fact from
fiction much more easily as opposed to when they don't.
Here are some other thoughts and ideas to help you overcome and
eliminate jealousy...
In order to overcome jealousy, you sometimes have to be
courageous and act boldly (mostly with yourself.)
You're going to have to become much better at expressing
yourself with clear open, honest and clear communication.
To heal your jealousy, it's also going to require you to do some
things and face some issues head on that may be difficult to do.
Please understand that this is just part of the journey and even
though it may not be easy at times, the rewards of a great
relationship that is free of jealousy and full of possibilities
are tremendous.
In working with hundreds of individuals and couples, we've found
that your beliefs about whether you can overcome jealousy or not will
be one of the single biggest factor that determines your success or
failure.
You
have to learn to see and believe that your past does not equal your future. That
no matter what has happened with previous partners and past
relationships, those things aren't necessarily going to be a
part of your experience in the future.
Our advice-- start right now in this moment with a feeling
that you can overcome jealousy and you're going to figure out
how.
This sounds like very simple advice but it's really valuable.
If there's anything we know for sure, it's this...
The most important asset you have going for you in your search
for ways to
let go of your jealousy issues are your beliefs and attitudes
about whether you think and feel that you can do this or not.
As one author once put it, "Whether you believe that you can do
something or not, you're right."
Healing the issue of jealousy is completely doable and you
can start right now.
If you're interested, we have some fantastic resources for
helping you put an end to jealousy once and for all.
In fact, we have the best selling and most complete course
available anywhere for overcoming jealousy and creating closer
and more loving relationships called "No More Jealousy."
Hundreds of individuals and couples have used this one-of-a-kind
book and audio program to help free themselves from jealousy.
To find out more about this program that's guaranteed to help
you overcome jealousy, click the link to visit the next page.
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